Mental Wellness pt. 2

You may have noticed that I’ve been MIA from Wellness Wednesday for a few weeks. In fact, the last Wellness Wednesday wasn’t even written by me. It was Gina’s article on mental health. This is because I’ve been taking some time to take our own advice and work on my own personal mental health.

While I haven’t yet been to a therapy session as Gina suggested, (although I am interested!) I have taken some time to ponder the areas of my life that I’m most unhappy with, and how I can correct them. Unfortunately, no amount of soul-searching will bring my dad back. However, this doesn’t mean the rest of my life also has to suck. I’m over being miserable. I’m tired of spending any portion of my life unhappy, especially 33% of it. Life is way too short.

So I quit my job.

The job itself wasn’t so bad. Sure, it was tediously boring and completely unfulfilling, but I loved the people I worked for and 90% of the people I worked with. I enjoyed the math parts of my job and I learned a lot more about cars and the glorious DMV than I ever expected to know. However, what I really couldn’t tolerate was the drama that accompanied the job.

Before working in this office, I was an EMT for a private ambulance company. I distinctly recall a shift my 19-year old self worked early in my career there. It was the first time I had ever worked a cardiac arrest and I was alone in the back of the ambulance with just my knowledge from the 3-month training course I had just recently finished. I can still remember every detail of doing chest compressions on the frail body of my 80-year old patient, the sound of his ribs cracking, the tears streaming down my face and the terror of knowing that this man was dead and my best efforts would never be enough to bring him back.

That’s about a quarter of how dramatic this God forsaken office is.

If there was no existing drama, drama was created. The pot was constantly being stirred.

The drama and gossip were not always about me, but when it was, it was often related to my personal life and family. Even when it was about the other girls, it upset me to know my friends were being spoken of with such disrespect and a lack of professionalism. It created an environment of bitterness and stress. I felt that I was constantly walking on egg shells, desperate to avoid finding out that I had been the most recent topic of catty gossip. I began thinking it was in my best interest to remove myself from the situation.

After consulting my sister, boyfriend and closest friends*, I decided that no amount of money was worth the dread and elevated blood pressure I was experiencing daily. I only have a year left until I become an RN, so I thought it may be in my best interest to spend my energy on school work and enjoying my free time – not worrying about the pettiness of a toxic work environment.

I will be going back to a restaurant where I worked part-time last summer. While I am taking a pay cut, I look forward to the new opportunities for happiness that this job will present. After the hell that my family and I have lived since 2015, it’s about time I begin my search for happiness again.

I’m certainly not suggesting that everyone who reads this should quit their jobs… but please remember that this is your only life. You don’t have to spend it trapped in a miserable job. There are always other places hiring. You never have to stay in a toxic relationship, even if it’s with a manager or coworker.

 

*To Gina, Matt, Other Gina, Kevin, Jacqueline, Tara and Alexa – Thank you for reminding me that my happiness is worth way more than the $2/hour difference and for supporting my decision to leave.

**To my mom – Thank you for not at all thinking this was the right decision, but not making that big of a deal out of it 🙂