Sam vs. Deb

Good morning and happy Fourth of July, my friends! Hope you’re all enjoying this lovely day (probably) off from work, and I especially hope you’re enjoying America!

On a completely non-holiday related note: Are you ready for my realest post yet? Because here it is. The story of how I fired my nutritionist, the lessons I learned from her and, most importantly, the lessons I learned from my experience with her.

Maybe I should preface this by saying I didn’t actually fire her. I’m just ignoring her calls and not making a next appointment. This is most likely not the most mature route but it’s easier for me, and as I am the main character of my life and this blog, that’s all that matters.

My early experience with the nutritionist was positive. It was exactly what I had hoped for. She gave me meal ideas and stressed the importance of having snacks to prevent myself from making “hungry decisions.” Genius! I love snacks!

We barely even discussed the celiacs because I know what has gluten in it and what I need to avoid. If I ever wasn’t sure, there’s tons of apps and good ol’ Google to help me figure it out.

Life was good, but, alas, joy in this life seldom lasts.

As we went a few months of seeing each other weekly, I began to feel that she was reaching for topics to discuss in order to continue our weekly meetings… and her weekly payments. I started to feel like I was being ripped off. Not only was I paying a $35 copay for a half hour appointment, but she also insisted I buy a powdered vitamin supplement through her for $80 a month. I guess the $7 bottles of vitamins from Target aren’t good enough? It was exactly like the time I got roped into the dark and terrifying world of Shakeology (but that’s a post for another day, I guess). The nutritionist insisted that I would feel more energy after taking them for a while, but I don’t. (Also, this is disturbing, but I was basically peeing highlighter green after taking the vitamins, indicating that my body was not absorbing them. What a waste! ……although, it was kinda cool….)

So much of what I had wanted from seeing a nutritionist was to help me transition to all natural foods and away from artificial supplements. I’m no longer interested in protein powders, Shakeology, “greens” and, of course, powdered vitamin supplements.

And then…. The worst part… she wanted to get to the bottom of my food obsession. I tried to tell her I just like food. I’m from a long line of good cooks and, where I come from, food means love. Is this healthy? No! But there are much worse vices to have. Like crack. At least I don’t do crack.

That’s my logic at least. Deb, on the other hand, assumed and insisted that my love for food must have come from some emotionally traumatic experiences or even… the dreaded ~repressed feeling~

So, she assigned me self-help books about learning to love your flaws… but jokes on her because I don’t have any. Really though, I tried to tell her that I’m quite cocky and confidence is certainly not my issue.

Next, we tried meditation to get to the root of my issue (again, the issue is just that I love food). Meditation is not for me. I like yoga, I can do yoga. But meditation is just not my thing. I just can’t seem to settle myself down enough. I’ve tried every guided meditation on YouTube, every Tibetan Singing Bowl and Shaman Drumming video, every candle on Long Island and still, my mind wanders (not to bad or stressful thoughts, just curiosities. Like, why can’t dogs walk with socks on? Or, who would win in a fight – a pack of wolves or one lion? The important stuff.) I like to think it’s because I have a big, strong brain that can’t be tamed.

I’d like to reiterate that my experience with Deb wasn’t all bad. The tip about more frequent snacking has allowed me to avoid hunger and make food choices with my brain instead of my stomach. This has helped me to steer clear of gluten and also make healthier choices all around. I feel much healthier now and my conversations with her have encouraged me to take control of my life again, make time to exercise, trust my intuition and put myself first.

However, my newfound intuition is telling me that it’s time to branch out on my own and not spend all my money on crappy vitamins and weekly copays to discuss meditation with a nutritionist.

One thought on “Sam vs. Deb

  1. Congratulations-You just completed another step to total self awareness. A little help on meditation: if those are truley the things that cross your mind when you meditate you really should keep doing it. Even if you only can block out things for 2 minutes. There is no time limit on how long you should meditate for. You would be surprised with what pops into my mind when i meditate. Answers to questions that only angels can give you will suddenly start becoming clear and all you will say is “how simple now why didn’t I think of that before”. One more thing, before you meditate you have to state what it is you would like to accomplish by doing so. Just throw your concerns out to the universe and it will answer.


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